GO ETHIOPIA!!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Surprises Along the Way
As in any journey, there are usually some surprises along the way. Here's a few that I didn't see coming......
Grief
I went through some grieving after we brought Martha home. Weird, I know. We worked and waited and prayed and hoped for so long, you'd think all this Momma heart would do was celebrate, right? Well, this Momma heart gets a little complex, so of course I couldn't keep it that simple. First of all, I grieved all those things during Martha's young life that I had already missed......her first smile, when she sat up, ate cereal , etc. And I mourned the fact that I will never be able to tell her about how beautiful and happy she was during that first year of her life. I mourned that someone else got to see all those things and I missed out. Selfish of me? Maybe it is. But, I'm pretty sure that other Momma hearts out there have a bit of understanding of what I mean. I have missed KNOWING my child. There's this term in adoptive families - it's called "family age". It's NOT the age that the child is biologically, but how old they are as a member of the family. Martha's "family age" is now almost 8 weeks old. Imagine an eight week old baby and their parents - they are still very much in the "getting to know you" stage. That's where we still are with Martha and I grieve that I don't know her better (and that some people outside our walls don't understand that). I know this knowing will come and that it will take time and I will be patient.....
I also grieved for her birthmother. I don't know a lot of details, but I do know that her birthmother visited her at the orphanage and may have done so until shortly before we picked her up. I feel bad that her mother, who remained resolute in her decision to surrender Martha, can not go check on her and take a peek just to make sure she's okay. As a birthmother, I can only imagine how hard that must be. I am so deeply grateful for her birthmother's decision, but I am also so deeply aware of the depth of her sacrifice and my heart just hurts for her. I know she did it with a mother's love.
Connection
We anticipated that Martha would have a harder time bonding and attaching to Dave, because she was not used to having men around at the Orphanage. We had all sorts of plans in place to help her attach to Dave, games to play, strategies to use. Well, we really didn't need to use any of them. Dave seems to be the one she is most connected to. I am very, very glad for that because I didn't want that to be a hard process for my husband. But, it has been harder for me. Martha has been used to female caregivers for all of her life and at the last orphanage, had 5 different women caring for her. So, she has taken longer making a connection to me (Vicki) - and doesn't always chose me over other women that are around. That has been a hard pill to swallow at times. So, I am putting on more of that Momma heart and loving more deeply and fiercely and using some of those strategies we had planned for Dave. And trusting that time will prove this process fruitful. And then there's that patience thing I need to keep working on.
Work
The school year starts in a matter of weeks here (deep, deep sigh). I thought I would be ready to return to school, after having all summer home with Martha. That has always been the plan. But, I've realized, we had planned on having an older child who would probably be preschool or kindergarten age (our plan, not God's). And, when we imagined that older child, it seemed so very sensible that they'd go to childcare/school when I'd go back to work. They'd need preschool/k-garten education, English immersion, socialization, etc. Sending them off somewhere seemed so logical. Well, now we have a baby here and I stayed home with all of my other babies. Sending her off somewhere is breaking my heart. And, because Martha's connection level with me is not where we'd like it to be, sending her to be cared for by a new (and wonderful) group of women, does not help my heart feel any calmer. But, it is what it is and I am trying hard to deal with it - with tears in my eyes - and give her over to God.
Love
I knew I'd love Martha, but I am surprised at the fierceness of it, the depth, the no turning back of it, the child you are mine forever and ever no matter what of it. I am ready to argue passionately with anyone who wants to question if an adoptive parent loves less. We don't. We love and worry and kiss and protect and defend just like any other parent. The bond is amazing from the parental side - so amazing I can't put words to it. It continues to put my relationship with God in a whole new perspective - he chose me as His daughter. He loves me fiercely, He loves me deeply, He defends me, I am His forever and ever and He will not turn back on me. He is attached and bonded to me and wants my total dependence and attachment to Him.
Isn't that amazing? The God of the universe wants the same of you - He wants to adopt you into His Forever Family - I hope you let Him be your "Abba" Daddy forever and run into His arms today.
Grief
I went through some grieving after we brought Martha home. Weird, I know. We worked and waited and prayed and hoped for so long, you'd think all this Momma heart would do was celebrate, right? Well, this Momma heart gets a little complex, so of course I couldn't keep it that simple. First of all, I grieved all those things during Martha's young life that I had already missed......her first smile, when she sat up, ate cereal , etc. And I mourned the fact that I will never be able to tell her about how beautiful and happy she was during that first year of her life. I mourned that someone else got to see all those things and I missed out. Selfish of me? Maybe it is. But, I'm pretty sure that other Momma hearts out there have a bit of understanding of what I mean. I have missed KNOWING my child. There's this term in adoptive families - it's called "family age". It's NOT the age that the child is biologically, but how old they are as a member of the family. Martha's "family age" is now almost 8 weeks old. Imagine an eight week old baby and their parents - they are still very much in the "getting to know you" stage. That's where we still are with Martha and I grieve that I don't know her better (and that some people outside our walls don't understand that). I know this knowing will come and that it will take time and I will be patient.....
I also grieved for her birthmother. I don't know a lot of details, but I do know that her birthmother visited her at the orphanage and may have done so until shortly before we picked her up. I feel bad that her mother, who remained resolute in her decision to surrender Martha, can not go check on her and take a peek just to make sure she's okay. As a birthmother, I can only imagine how hard that must be. I am so deeply grateful for her birthmother's decision, but I am also so deeply aware of the depth of her sacrifice and my heart just hurts for her. I know she did it with a mother's love.
Connection
We anticipated that Martha would have a harder time bonding and attaching to Dave, because she was not used to having men around at the Orphanage. We had all sorts of plans in place to help her attach to Dave, games to play, strategies to use. Well, we really didn't need to use any of them. Dave seems to be the one she is most connected to. I am very, very glad for that because I didn't want that to be a hard process for my husband. But, it has been harder for me. Martha has been used to female caregivers for all of her life and at the last orphanage, had 5 different women caring for her. So, she has taken longer making a connection to me (Vicki) - and doesn't always chose me over other women that are around. That has been a hard pill to swallow at times. So, I am putting on more of that Momma heart and loving more deeply and fiercely and using some of those strategies we had planned for Dave. And trusting that time will prove this process fruitful. And then there's that patience thing I need to keep working on.
Work
The school year starts in a matter of weeks here (deep, deep sigh). I thought I would be ready to return to school, after having all summer home with Martha. That has always been the plan. But, I've realized, we had planned on having an older child who would probably be preschool or kindergarten age (our plan, not God's). And, when we imagined that older child, it seemed so very sensible that they'd go to childcare/school when I'd go back to work. They'd need preschool/k-garten education, English immersion, socialization, etc. Sending them off somewhere seemed so logical. Well, now we have a baby here and I stayed home with all of my other babies. Sending her off somewhere is breaking my heart. And, because Martha's connection level with me is not where we'd like it to be, sending her to be cared for by a new (and wonderful) group of women, does not help my heart feel any calmer. But, it is what it is and I am trying hard to deal with it - with tears in my eyes - and give her over to God.
Love
I knew I'd love Martha, but I am surprised at the fierceness of it, the depth, the no turning back of it, the child you are mine forever and ever no matter what of it. I am ready to argue passionately with anyone who wants to question if an adoptive parent loves less. We don't. We love and worry and kiss and protect and defend just like any other parent. The bond is amazing from the parental side - so amazing I can't put words to it. It continues to put my relationship with God in a whole new perspective - he chose me as His daughter. He loves me fiercely, He loves me deeply, He defends me, I am His forever and ever and He will not turn back on me. He is attached and bonded to me and wants my total dependence and attachment to Him.
Isn't that amazing? The God of the universe wants the same of you - He wants to adopt you into His Forever Family - I hope you let Him be your "Abba" Daddy forever and run into His arms today.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Pray for Sami
It took many people to bring Martha home......each person a part of the puzzle that brought us all together. One of those people was Sami - a kind, gentle man, who helped us when we went to Court, as well as has many other duties at Adoption Associates, Addis Ababa. Please take a moment and click on this link and then take some time to pray for Sami and his family, as they face his illness. We saw some of the hospitals in Addis.....and we were glad we did not need them. There just isn't adequate medical care there for all the needs.....pray for Sami as he goes to India for treatment and for his family, as they stay back in Addis to wait and pray and carry on. Thank You~
http://www.adoptionassociates.net/news/lets_bring_hope_and_health_to_sami/
http://www.adoptionassociates.net/news/lets_bring_hope_and_health_to_sami/
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
The Trip Continues......
On Wednesday, May 30, we returned to the Orphanage to pick up Martha. We were so excited to see her! It was a wonderful reunion for us. We stayed for a while so that her caregivers could wrap up their good-byes with her, many of whom were shedding tears because she was leaving. That did make it a little difficult to leave, but also gave us such assurance that she had been loved and cared for well. We also shared in a Coffee Ceremony with the staff that morning - we never tired of the Coffee Ceremonies.
Martha promptly fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel and slept for a good while on our bed there. We continued to enjoy the day with her, outside in the hotel garden and just playing in our room. We still couldn't believe she was actually with us and she was OURS! Each moment was filled with delight for us and she was filled with wonder at all the new things she was discovering around her.
The next day, May 31, was our Embassy Day. We attended Embassy with another adoptive Mom from our agency (there were 3 families at our hotel from our Agency this trip). We had to wait outside across the street first until they told us to form a line, then wait in the actual line for a while also. They allowed 2 families at a time to come in and be put through security. Then, we left that building and walked to another building and were again put through some security. Then we sat and waited in rows of chairs until our name was called. Each family would go up to a window when it was their turn and answer a few questions by an Embassy employee. And, that was it. We walked out, retrieved our cell phones & cameras from security and left. Well, we did try to take a picture outside the Embassy, trying to mark this important moment and we were QUICKLY told that it was NOT an option there! The day was topped off by a wonderful meal at the home of our nephew's college roommate, who is from Addis. His parents are so kind and loving - we really enjoyed our fellowship with them and were made to feel right at home.
The interesting fact about the Embassy was this - there were very, very few very young children there. Most of the children were 4 or 5 years old or even older. If you've been paying attention to our Adoption Journey - that was what we signed up for. Older children being adopted were everywhere we looked on this trip - at the hotel, in the airport, at Embassy, out shopping. We thought we should have an older child to be a part of our family. But, obviously, God thought differently and brought us to Martha - and we are so glad He did.
A few people have commented already - "well, I guess you're starting all over" - and maybe, in terms of baby stuff in the house (which had long been cleared of all that) we are. But, having Martha as part of the family, feels like a totally natural, fit right in sort of thing. It doesn't feel like starting all over - it just feels natural and right. No doubt about it - she is ours and our whole family is loving it. Are we maybe a bit more tired on the rare night she doesn't sleep so well? Yes, we won't deny that - but the smiles she gives us and the time we get to then hold her more give us the extra bit of energy that we need.
Friday, June 1st was mainly another "Stay and Play" day with Martha. We did get out for a little bit of last minute shopping, but mainly just hung around the hotel. For dinner, we went to the home of our Agency's "man on the ground" in Ethiopia. This man is amazing and has been helping children in Ethiopia find their forever homes for 30 years. He treated us to a wonderful Ethiopian meal and Coffee Ceremony and also had us dress in traditional clothes for our evening there......
After enjoying that awesome Ethiopian Feast, we were taken to the airport for the trip HOME. We were very anxious about this flight - it was posted to take 17 hours (part of that a stop in Rome for fuel, but we would not be getting off the plane). Thankfully, this is how Martha spent 9 hours of the trip.....
Our reunion as a family was spectacular and Martha's introductions to her siblings went very well - she looked a little dazed and confused but seemed to handle it all very well. And now, the "after picture" of the Jansen's and our new friends from Columbus, who are feeling as blessed as we are.
Martha promptly fell asleep on the ride back to the hotel and slept for a good while on our bed there. We continued to enjoy the day with her, outside in the hotel garden and just playing in our room. We still couldn't believe she was actually with us and she was OURS! Each moment was filled with delight for us and she was filled with wonder at all the new things she was discovering around her.
The next day, May 31, was our Embassy Day. We attended Embassy with another adoptive Mom from our agency (there were 3 families at our hotel from our Agency this trip). We had to wait outside across the street first until they told us to form a line, then wait in the actual line for a while also. They allowed 2 families at a time to come in and be put through security. Then, we left that building and walked to another building and were again put through some security. Then we sat and waited in rows of chairs until our name was called. Each family would go up to a window when it was their turn and answer a few questions by an Embassy employee. And, that was it. We walked out, retrieved our cell phones & cameras from security and left. Well, we did try to take a picture outside the Embassy, trying to mark this important moment and we were QUICKLY told that it was NOT an option there! The day was topped off by a wonderful meal at the home of our nephew's college roommate, who is from Addis. His parents are so kind and loving - we really enjoyed our fellowship with them and were made to feel right at home.
The interesting fact about the Embassy was this - there were very, very few very young children there. Most of the children were 4 or 5 years old or even older. If you've been paying attention to our Adoption Journey - that was what we signed up for. Older children being adopted were everywhere we looked on this trip - at the hotel, in the airport, at Embassy, out shopping. We thought we should have an older child to be a part of our family. But, obviously, God thought differently and brought us to Martha - and we are so glad He did.
A few people have commented already - "well, I guess you're starting all over" - and maybe, in terms of baby stuff in the house (which had long been cleared of all that) we are. But, having Martha as part of the family, feels like a totally natural, fit right in sort of thing. It doesn't feel like starting all over - it just feels natural and right. No doubt about it - she is ours and our whole family is loving it. Are we maybe a bit more tired on the rare night she doesn't sleep so well? Yes, we won't deny that - but the smiles she gives us and the time we get to then hold her more give us the extra bit of energy that we need.
Friday, June 1st was mainly another "Stay and Play" day with Martha. We did get out for a little bit of last minute shopping, but mainly just hung around the hotel. For dinner, we went to the home of our Agency's "man on the ground" in Ethiopia. This man is amazing and has been helping children in Ethiopia find their forever homes for 30 years. He treated us to a wonderful Ethiopian meal and Coffee Ceremony and also had us dress in traditional clothes for our evening there......
and we were able to sleep for 7! We were so grateful. We had prayed specifically for the seat in between us to remain empty, so that Martha could have it - and it was! There were only 3 empty seats on the plane and all 3 of them were in between adoptive parents. God is good! We had a stopover again in Washington, D.C. and then a quick flight back to Columbus. As we prepared to taxi out for the journey to O-H-I-O, the Pilot played the Buckeye fight song for us all. So, Vicki knows that Martha is destined to be a Buckeye! Martha took a nice nap on the way to Columbus, while we could hardly sit still, as we were so eager to see the rest of our family. The walk to see them seemed to take forever and we just wanted to take off running.......
Ethiopia Take 2
We haven't really shared a lot about our 2nd trip to Ethiopia - a lot of the reason being that we didn't have internet access at our hotel for the 2nd trip. It was very disappointing to us, as being out of contact with the rest of our family made us feel even farther away. But, we still want to share about the adventures, as much for you, the Blog reader, as for ourselves - so we can chronicle our adventures......
We left Columbus very early the morning of May 28th (Memorial Day) and flew to Dulles Airport (Wash. D.C.) to catch our non-stop flight to Addis Ababa. While we were at Dulles, we caught up with another couple, from Columbus, who were heading back to Addis to attend Embassy the same day we were scheduled to and bring home their daughter also. We had all been in Addis at almost the same time on our first trips, but we didn't know each other until someone connected us after we had all returned home. Here is the "before" picture for the 2nd trip.
The flight was looooong. Neither of us slept more than 3 hours and we were uncomfortable, eager to get there, etc. We were so thrilled to finally land! As we got out of the airplane shortly after 7:00 a.m. and into the open air, we could smell the spices and incense and all the wonderful scents that confirmed our arrival back to this wonderful place!
We got to our hotel and quickly got a taxi. We had a tour scheduled at the Hamlin Fistula Hospital http://www.hamlinfistula.org/ If you are not familiar with obstetric fistula, we'd really encourage you to visit the website and learn more. It is a devastating condition that can leave women hopeless and alone. But, the Hamlin Fistula Hospital is doing amazing work to restore life and hope to these women. The hospital is a gorgeous place of gardens and peacefulness. We were able to see some of the patients and learn about the work being done to help so many. It was an amazing visit - just one more thing that we can hardly put into words. If you'd like to learn more and still need a book to read this summer, we highly reccommend http://www.hamlinfistula.org/our-hospital/autobiography.html This is the book that Vicki read which led us to visit this place and see it first hand.
After the hospital and lunch, we went out to do some shopping. At that point, we were starting to get very tired, as essentially, we had been up for more than 24 hours. We finished up our shopping, went to get some dinner and went to bed. We slept from 6 p.m. until 8 a.m. the next morning. We needed our rest, as the next day we were going to pick up Martha........
We left Columbus very early the morning of May 28th (Memorial Day) and flew to Dulles Airport (Wash. D.C.) to catch our non-stop flight to Addis Ababa. While we were at Dulles, we caught up with another couple, from Columbus, who were heading back to Addis to attend Embassy the same day we were scheduled to and bring home their daughter also. We had all been in Addis at almost the same time on our first trips, but we didn't know each other until someone connected us after we had all returned home. Here is the "before" picture for the 2nd trip.
We got to our hotel and quickly got a taxi. We had a tour scheduled at the Hamlin Fistula Hospital http://www.hamlinfistula.org/ If you are not familiar with obstetric fistula, we'd really encourage you to visit the website and learn more. It is a devastating condition that can leave women hopeless and alone. But, the Hamlin Fistula Hospital is doing amazing work to restore life and hope to these women. The hospital is a gorgeous place of gardens and peacefulness. We were able to see some of the patients and learn about the work being done to help so many. It was an amazing visit - just one more thing that we can hardly put into words. If you'd like to learn more and still need a book to read this summer, we highly reccommend http://www.hamlinfistula.org/our-hospital/autobiography.html This is the book that Vicki read which led us to visit this place and see it first hand.
After the hospital and lunch, we went out to do some shopping. At that point, we were starting to get very tired, as essentially, we had been up for more than 24 hours. We finished up our shopping, went to get some dinner and went to bed. We slept from 6 p.m. until 8 a.m. the next morning. We needed our rest, as the next day we were going to pick up Martha........
Wednesday, June 13, 2012
Report Cards
This morning, I printed off the end of year report cards for all the kids. Two of them (the other two at away at Young Life Camp) looked at them this morning. I found it interesting that they didn't start looking at their grades right away, but went to the "teacher comments" part. They knew they did their work, completed their tasks, followed through. But, what they wanted to know was what the teacher thought. It made me wish I had a report card right now in regard to Martha. I'm pretty sure I'd get good marks in "meal provider", "diaper changer", "spending time on floor playing", etc. But, I'd really like to know her comments. Who does she see me as? It's been two weeks since Dave & I picked her up at the orphanage - I am pretty sure I am still the "nice lady who meets her needs". Other then that, I am doubtful that her comments would include "Mommy", "woman who loves me", "person who will protect and defend me", etc. And that is where even more patience in this process comes into play.....
As recent emails from both our Michigan and Ohio Social Workers remind us......transition is one thing (and is going well) but bonding and attachment is another thing (and oh goodness, please don't think Attachment Parenting in Time Magazine!! This kind of attachment with an adopted child is TOTALLY different). We've been reminded to be very "conservative" in our outings and public time with Martha and to be very firm and limiting on the time and amount of guests in our home. We were also reminded that we need to "be in her face" (for lack of a better term) most of her waking hours - which can be a little exhausting. These are good reminders, but hard for us too......we're pretty social people and it feels like in a sense we are cutting ourselves off. But, we know this is for a season and we know this is best for Martha to come to see Dave & I as the parents who have a deep & crazy unconditional love and care for her. Hopefully, someday that will be the report card comment she will know deep in her heart.
Saturday, June 9, 2012
Adjustments and processing......
Well, it's been a week and I finally feel like I can take some time to blog for a bit. I'm not sure where to start.....I want to explain more about our trip to Ethiopia, I want to share about Martha's first week at home, I want to share all the feelings and emotions I've felt and seen in my family, I want to express gratitude to so many people for so many reasons, I want to explain how deeply I continue to feel about adoption, I want to share answers to so many questions that we've been asked lately and even more.....
I guess I'll start with Martha's first week in the Jansen Household. It's been better than we could have hoped for! She has been sleeping 10 - 11 hours a night, and has only had one night where she struggled a lot to find her sleep. She has napped once a day - but the time has varied each day. That might be a good thing, because our household schedule tends to change a lot, so this may be good in that she'll have to find her sleep when she can and sometimes be flexible about it. :-) She enjoys playing with her brothers and sisters and they have all taken such a liking to her! She is smiling and laughing and eating like crazy. We are very thankful that her tummy has taken all the new foods she's tried so well. She even had her first tooth come through this past week. We had some toys all ready for her....but so far she's chosen the drawers, cupboards, things on the coffee table and the steps as her favorite play things. All of this is keeping me very busy, as she is all over the place discovering everything and anything.....I had forgotten how very busy these 14 month olds are and how quickly they can make a mess! But, we are so deeply grateful at the same time because she seems so very typical and on target for her age. She did seem to have an ear infection or something similar when we picked her up and after 10 days of antibiotic, that seems to be much better. Later this month, we will be going to the International Adoption Clinic at Children's Hospital, where they will do a very full (3-4 hours) assessment of her. We are looking forward to that visit and getting their opinion on how she is doing.
We have taken her out of the house for some walks and very quick errands. We are being very careful about taking her out too much for two reasons: 1) We don't want to overstimulate her too much - she has been used to pretty much being in just one room for most of her life so far. When you consider that - she's had an awful lot thrown at her little body and brain since we picked her up from the Orphanage. 2) We are working hard at the attachment and bonding process and are trying very hard to only have family members hold her and care for her needs right now. Because she has had a variety of caregivers already in her life, she is very friendly and open to others. We need to work hard at making sure she knows that we are her parents and family now. And, when we do go out - she will probably stay in an infant carrier by either Dave or I, to continue to establish those roles for her. So, please don't be offended if we don't let you hold her or we seem protective for a while....that is a very important part of our role as Martha's parents right now.
Well, that's probably more than enough information for tonight......thanks for checking in. More to come soon!
I guess I'll start with Martha's first week in the Jansen Household. It's been better than we could have hoped for! She has been sleeping 10 - 11 hours a night, and has only had one night where she struggled a lot to find her sleep. She has napped once a day - but the time has varied each day. That might be a good thing, because our household schedule tends to change a lot, so this may be good in that she'll have to find her sleep when she can and sometimes be flexible about it. :-) She enjoys playing with her brothers and sisters and they have all taken such a liking to her! She is smiling and laughing and eating like crazy. We are very thankful that her tummy has taken all the new foods she's tried so well. She even had her first tooth come through this past week. We had some toys all ready for her....but so far she's chosen the drawers, cupboards, things on the coffee table and the steps as her favorite play things. All of this is keeping me very busy, as she is all over the place discovering everything and anything.....I had forgotten how very busy these 14 month olds are and how quickly they can make a mess! But, we are so deeply grateful at the same time because she seems so very typical and on target for her age. She did seem to have an ear infection or something similar when we picked her up and after 10 days of antibiotic, that seems to be much better. Later this month, we will be going to the International Adoption Clinic at Children's Hospital, where they will do a very full (3-4 hours) assessment of her. We are looking forward to that visit and getting their opinion on how she is doing.
We have taken her out of the house for some walks and very quick errands. We are being very careful about taking her out too much for two reasons: 1) We don't want to overstimulate her too much - she has been used to pretty much being in just one room for most of her life so far. When you consider that - she's had an awful lot thrown at her little body and brain since we picked her up from the Orphanage. 2) We are working hard at the attachment and bonding process and are trying very hard to only have family members hold her and care for her needs right now. Because she has had a variety of caregivers already in her life, she is very friendly and open to others. We need to work hard at making sure she knows that we are her parents and family now. And, when we do go out - she will probably stay in an infant carrier by either Dave or I, to continue to establish those roles for her. So, please don't be offended if we don't let you hold her or we seem protective for a while....that is a very important part of our role as Martha's parents right now.
Well, that's probably more than enough information for tonight......thanks for checking in. More to come soon!
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