GO ETHIOPIA!!
Friday, July 27, 2012
Thursday, July 26, 2012
Surprises Along the Way
As in any journey, there are usually some surprises along the way. Here's a few that I didn't see coming......
Grief
I went through some grieving after we brought Martha home. Weird, I know. We worked and waited and prayed and hoped for so long, you'd think all this Momma heart would do was celebrate, right? Well, this Momma heart gets a little complex, so of course I couldn't keep it that simple. First of all, I grieved all those things during Martha's young life that I had already missed......her first smile, when she sat up, ate cereal , etc. And I mourned the fact that I will never be able to tell her about how beautiful and happy she was during that first year of her life. I mourned that someone else got to see all those things and I missed out. Selfish of me? Maybe it is. But, I'm pretty sure that other Momma hearts out there have a bit of understanding of what I mean. I have missed KNOWING my child. There's this term in adoptive families - it's called "family age". It's NOT the age that the child is biologically, but how old they are as a member of the family. Martha's "family age" is now almost 8 weeks old. Imagine an eight week old baby and their parents - they are still very much in the "getting to know you" stage. That's where we still are with Martha and I grieve that I don't know her better (and that some people outside our walls don't understand that). I know this knowing will come and that it will take time and I will be patient.....
I also grieved for her birthmother. I don't know a lot of details, but I do know that her birthmother visited her at the orphanage and may have done so until shortly before we picked her up. I feel bad that her mother, who remained resolute in her decision to surrender Martha, can not go check on her and take a peek just to make sure she's okay. As a birthmother, I can only imagine how hard that must be. I am so deeply grateful for her birthmother's decision, but I am also so deeply aware of the depth of her sacrifice and my heart just hurts for her. I know she did it with a mother's love.
Connection
We anticipated that Martha would have a harder time bonding and attaching to Dave, because she was not used to having men around at the Orphanage. We had all sorts of plans in place to help her attach to Dave, games to play, strategies to use. Well, we really didn't need to use any of them. Dave seems to be the one she is most connected to. I am very, very glad for that because I didn't want that to be a hard process for my husband. But, it has been harder for me. Martha has been used to female caregivers for all of her life and at the last orphanage, had 5 different women caring for her. So, she has taken longer making a connection to me (Vicki) - and doesn't always chose me over other women that are around. That has been a hard pill to swallow at times. So, I am putting on more of that Momma heart and loving more deeply and fiercely and using some of those strategies we had planned for Dave. And trusting that time will prove this process fruitful. And then there's that patience thing I need to keep working on.
Work
The school year starts in a matter of weeks here (deep, deep sigh). I thought I would be ready to return to school, after having all summer home with Martha. That has always been the plan. But, I've realized, we had planned on having an older child who would probably be preschool or kindergarten age (our plan, not God's). And, when we imagined that older child, it seemed so very sensible that they'd go to childcare/school when I'd go back to work. They'd need preschool/k-garten education, English immersion, socialization, etc. Sending them off somewhere seemed so logical. Well, now we have a baby here and I stayed home with all of my other babies. Sending her off somewhere is breaking my heart. And, because Martha's connection level with me is not where we'd like it to be, sending her to be cared for by a new (and wonderful) group of women, does not help my heart feel any calmer. But, it is what it is and I am trying hard to deal with it - with tears in my eyes - and give her over to God.
Love
I knew I'd love Martha, but I am surprised at the fierceness of it, the depth, the no turning back of it, the child you are mine forever and ever no matter what of it. I am ready to argue passionately with anyone who wants to question if an adoptive parent loves less. We don't. We love and worry and kiss and protect and defend just like any other parent. The bond is amazing from the parental side - so amazing I can't put words to it. It continues to put my relationship with God in a whole new perspective - he chose me as His daughter. He loves me fiercely, He loves me deeply, He defends me, I am His forever and ever and He will not turn back on me. He is attached and bonded to me and wants my total dependence and attachment to Him.
Isn't that amazing? The God of the universe wants the same of you - He wants to adopt you into His Forever Family - I hope you let Him be your "Abba" Daddy forever and run into His arms today.
Grief
I went through some grieving after we brought Martha home. Weird, I know. We worked and waited and prayed and hoped for so long, you'd think all this Momma heart would do was celebrate, right? Well, this Momma heart gets a little complex, so of course I couldn't keep it that simple. First of all, I grieved all those things during Martha's young life that I had already missed......her first smile, when she sat up, ate cereal , etc. And I mourned the fact that I will never be able to tell her about how beautiful and happy she was during that first year of her life. I mourned that someone else got to see all those things and I missed out. Selfish of me? Maybe it is. But, I'm pretty sure that other Momma hearts out there have a bit of understanding of what I mean. I have missed KNOWING my child. There's this term in adoptive families - it's called "family age". It's NOT the age that the child is biologically, but how old they are as a member of the family. Martha's "family age" is now almost 8 weeks old. Imagine an eight week old baby and their parents - they are still very much in the "getting to know you" stage. That's where we still are with Martha and I grieve that I don't know her better (and that some people outside our walls don't understand that). I know this knowing will come and that it will take time and I will be patient.....
I also grieved for her birthmother. I don't know a lot of details, but I do know that her birthmother visited her at the orphanage and may have done so until shortly before we picked her up. I feel bad that her mother, who remained resolute in her decision to surrender Martha, can not go check on her and take a peek just to make sure she's okay. As a birthmother, I can only imagine how hard that must be. I am so deeply grateful for her birthmother's decision, but I am also so deeply aware of the depth of her sacrifice and my heart just hurts for her. I know she did it with a mother's love.
Connection
We anticipated that Martha would have a harder time bonding and attaching to Dave, because she was not used to having men around at the Orphanage. We had all sorts of plans in place to help her attach to Dave, games to play, strategies to use. Well, we really didn't need to use any of them. Dave seems to be the one she is most connected to. I am very, very glad for that because I didn't want that to be a hard process for my husband. But, it has been harder for me. Martha has been used to female caregivers for all of her life and at the last orphanage, had 5 different women caring for her. So, she has taken longer making a connection to me (Vicki) - and doesn't always chose me over other women that are around. That has been a hard pill to swallow at times. So, I am putting on more of that Momma heart and loving more deeply and fiercely and using some of those strategies we had planned for Dave. And trusting that time will prove this process fruitful. And then there's that patience thing I need to keep working on.
Work
The school year starts in a matter of weeks here (deep, deep sigh). I thought I would be ready to return to school, after having all summer home with Martha. That has always been the plan. But, I've realized, we had planned on having an older child who would probably be preschool or kindergarten age (our plan, not God's). And, when we imagined that older child, it seemed so very sensible that they'd go to childcare/school when I'd go back to work. They'd need preschool/k-garten education, English immersion, socialization, etc. Sending them off somewhere seemed so logical. Well, now we have a baby here and I stayed home with all of my other babies. Sending her off somewhere is breaking my heart. And, because Martha's connection level with me is not where we'd like it to be, sending her to be cared for by a new (and wonderful) group of women, does not help my heart feel any calmer. But, it is what it is and I am trying hard to deal with it - with tears in my eyes - and give her over to God.
Love
I knew I'd love Martha, but I am surprised at the fierceness of it, the depth, the no turning back of it, the child you are mine forever and ever no matter what of it. I am ready to argue passionately with anyone who wants to question if an adoptive parent loves less. We don't. We love and worry and kiss and protect and defend just like any other parent. The bond is amazing from the parental side - so amazing I can't put words to it. It continues to put my relationship with God in a whole new perspective - he chose me as His daughter. He loves me fiercely, He loves me deeply, He defends me, I am His forever and ever and He will not turn back on me. He is attached and bonded to me and wants my total dependence and attachment to Him.
Isn't that amazing? The God of the universe wants the same of you - He wants to adopt you into His Forever Family - I hope you let Him be your "Abba" Daddy forever and run into His arms today.
Monday, July 16, 2012
Pray for Sami
It took many people to bring Martha home......each person a part of the puzzle that brought us all together. One of those people was Sami - a kind, gentle man, who helped us when we went to Court, as well as has many other duties at Adoption Associates, Addis Ababa. Please take a moment and click on this link and then take some time to pray for Sami and his family, as they face his illness. We saw some of the hospitals in Addis.....and we were glad we did not need them. There just isn't adequate medical care there for all the needs.....pray for Sami as he goes to India for treatment and for his family, as they stay back in Addis to wait and pray and carry on. Thank You~
http://www.adoptionassociates.net/news/lets_bring_hope_and_health_to_sami/
http://www.adoptionassociates.net/news/lets_bring_hope_and_health_to_sami/
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