Very Deep Sigh

This is a picture of two wall signs that hang in our home. Often, I walk by them and am encouraged. Often, I also walk by them and sigh a very deep sigh. Tonight is a very deep sigh night.

The top sign says "Pray Big". I do often pray big - I pray for this adoption and every detail I can think of relating to it. I pray for people to be healed, to find salvation, to find little and big miracles in their lives, for love to be found, forgiveness to be given, needs to be met, etc etc. (you'd probably laugh at me and all the prayer conversations I have in my own little head with my friend and my Lord God). I believe that I serve a BIG God and that he wants us to pray BIG because He can do more than we can ever imagine.

The bottom sign says "Be Patient. Our Prayers are always answered, but not always on the exact day we'd like them to be." It is almost in ways, the opposite of the Pray Big sign - because as much as I, or anyone else does Pray Big, the answers and the timing to those answers are totally out of our hands. And, I need to be reminded of that - pretty much on a daily basis relating to our adoption and all sorts of other things too.

So - getting back to why today is a "very deep sigh" sort of day.....we heard from our agency today about possible time lines and it was discouraging once again. They do not have a referral ready at this time. The thought is that the best scenario is to possibly have our family home with us by early summer. And, that was the best scenario sort of update. (This spring we will hit the 2 year mark of the process - we never thought we'd be here!)

In some ways, that sounds fabulous, right? The kids and I would all be home together to adjust to all this newness together over the summer. But, I was really hoping to have some time with Family Medical Leave to be home with our new member(s) while the older Jansen's were still in school, to help build the parental bond. And, I've always thought it would be easier to convince/bribe/coerce someone or somebodies to stay with our kids, while Dave & I go to Ethiopia, while they are all in school. Their caretakers could go shopping and eat bonbons all day - much easier than being their summer entertainment while Dave & I travel, right? Exactly. These are just some of the thoughts that continue to bubble through my head as I make plans - or actually dream again about making plans - for the future.

So - I must Pray Big and yet be Big in my patience. I am reminded that God wants what is best for our entire family -those here in Ohio and those in Ethiopia.

"For I know the plans that I have for you," says The Lord. "They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11

I believe this and tonight I will rest in it.