Rainy Days and Mondays

Do you remember that song? "Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down....." Well, lately it hasn't been Mondays at our house. For Dave and I, Friday is day of the week that we are really starting to dislike. Friday, you say? Why Friday? It's the end of a work/school week. It means a break from the usual. Yes, it means all that. But, you see, when it gets to be late in the afternoon on a Friday, we realize deep inside, that another week has passed and we haven't gotten a referral call during the week. All the hopes and dreams and prayers that we greeted Monday with, have now slowly melted away and we go through the weekend knowing our Agency is closed and there's no chance the referral will come for 2 more days. Friday nights do not bring us great joy, but sometimes some tears, frustration and that stinkin' cloud of disappointment that seems to hover a lot lately.

This morning in church we sang two songs that really hit home. First, I'd like to share some of the lyrics to "Forever Reign":

"You are Peace, You are Peace

When my fear is crippling

You are True, You are True

Even in my wondering

You are Here, You are Here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting Go (okay - at least I'm trying to let go) :-)

Lord, I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms

The riches of your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to your embrace

Light of the World, Forever reign"

It helps to know that we can run to God's arms, doesn't it? No matter what you or I are going through, we can run and He will be there to embrace us in a way that no one else can! I find such comfort and joy in that today!

The other song that we sang, and touches my heart every time is "He Knows My Name". Let these words speak to your heart (I'd encourage you to find it on YouTube somewhere - it's such a great song!)

"I have a Maker, He formed my heart

Before even time began, my life was in His hands

I have a Father, He calls me His own

He'll never leave me, No matter where I go

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

And he hears me when I call"

This song touches my soul because I take such comfort in the fact that God knows my name and He knows everything about me (and still loves me!). I also take comfort in the fact that even though we don't have another referral, God knows the name(s) of whoever that is. God knows if there are tears falling from those sweet brown eyes. He hears that child calling out to Him. He will not leave that child and has had their life in His hands since before time began.

So, I start this week ahead with a Monday full of hope but know that the possibility of another disappointing Friday is there also. I take great comfort in that fact that I can run into God's arms and be embraced and that my life is in His hands.

How about you? Have you named Christ as your Savior? If so, you BELONG to Him and you can face another week of whatever you are going through knowing that He sees each tear you cry and He hears you when you call. Call on Him - He's listening.

Praise God for all He has done and continues to do!

Blog Stealing

2 Blog posts in 2 days. Not sure if I've done that before....

But, I just HAVE to share the posting from http://www.jenhatmaker.com/blog.htm from today, November 2, 2011 entitled "How to be the Village".

It's amazing.....I especially like her phrase of "waiting purgatory" (that's what we are feeling caught in) and her insights on before and after the airport. I especially chuckled and said "Amen" at the suggestions in "Here's what we would love to experience after the airport" and idea #4 - Cheap wine is fine, or better yet, fine coffee from any of the local Coffee establishments. I have a feeling I will need a lot of cheap wine or fine coffee. :-)

So - if you happen to see us venture out sometime after our adoption is FINALLY complete and our eyes are glazed over and we look exhausted....remember this post and the wonderful suggestions Jen shared. Adoptive families have shared so many of those thoughts and she wonderfully wrapped them up in a real, humorous and beautiful way. Please take the time to read her full posting. Thank you!

Feeling Caught

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12

See that verse? It's a short one, but has plenty of instruction to share in those 10 words. Right now, I'm having a lot of trouble with two out of the three instructions......

Be joyful in hope Adoption is a journey of hope. Hope for a child who needs a home, shelter, security, love, provision. Hope for parents who long to provide all that a child needs. Hope for parents who long to complete their family. Hope for prospective siblings who desire more joy, laughter, memories, and yes, even another person to fight with. Hope for fulfilling a deep, almost unexplained call to embark on the journey of adoption. Hope for paths to cross, paperwork to be completed, phone calls to be made, referrals to be offered. Hope for a reunion with someone you've never even met - but still when you meet them, you know it is a reunion of a very special kind.

So many reasons to hope and hope I do. But, being joyful in it? Really? Not right now. I think I can speak (or write, rather) for both Dave and I and say that we are definitely not finding a lot of joy in this journey currently. There is a strong sense of emptiness at the loss of adoption referral, but a whole different sense of emptiness because we are back to waiting and longing for a new referral. Do we doubt that we should be adopting? Not at all! But, we are having a lot of trouble keeping our Joy. We are feeling pretty weighed down with a lot of baggage at this point in the process - especially because we are at this point in the process AGAIN.

Patient in Affliction Patient in affliction? Patient.....in........affliction? I am not feeling very patient. I am struggling at times to the point that if you asked me how I'm doing at the wrong moment, I may just start crying, AGAIN. (I seem to do that a lot these days). I am "feeling caught" in the process; in the emotion of it all, in the hope, in the lack of fulfillment of hope, in the fact that millions of orphans are waiting, but procedures slow down their hope and ours. My patience is wearing thin - thankfully, Dave is one of the most patient men I know and he walks with me through all of this - but even his patience is wearing thin with where we are AGAIN. We need to consider purchasing a car (we currently are a one car family). We feel caught about how to go about making a decision about that because we don't know WHO is in future. We had started to make some plans to changes in the household for preparing for 2 kids to come home - we feel caught because we don't know what to do about those plans. We feel caught because we don't know what the financial future is in regard to our adoption - so we are sort of on an "only necessity budget" right now.

Faithful in Prayer This part I can do. I am in communication with God through prayer all the time. My great big God hears me knockin' on heaven's door all the time right now. I am thankful that He is such a great big God, because otherwise, He would have shut His ears to me a long time ago. He's got Big ears and can handle how much I am talking to Him these days. He can also handle the fact that sometimes I seem to be talking back to Him. I know He can handle me telling Him that I'm angry, I'm weary, I'm struggling to be hopeful and patient with His plan.

Because we know how Big our God is, we will continue to have hope (with a little bit of joy mixed in soon?) and He will provide just enough patience in this affliction. Would you please join us in the Prayer Part? Would you please knock on Heaven's door and ask God to bring us our referral SOON? Pray that our Social Worker would know without a doubt who it is she is to offer to us as a referral. Pray for our family as we work through all of this together. Pray for our child/ren in Ethiopia - for their protection, for their hearts, for their health and for their preparation for life as a Jansen. Pray that we would be "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12) and that God would be glorified above all!

Thanks for reading - we can not share with you how much it means that you take the time to read, and more importantly to pray.