God's Timing

Every day, I get a devotional sent to my email inbox, and most days I read those the same day that I receive them. This week though, I missed one. It was the one from Tuesday - the last day of school before break. I had a bunch of things on my "to do" list and never got to that devotional. Tonight though, I noticed it was still in my inbox, so I clicked and read exactly what God wanted me to read for today - two days later than it was sent - but never more timely for me.

Please go to www.rachelolsen.com and see the post for Tuesday, December 20th, "You Won't Miss Christmas" and click on "Devotion" in the first paragraph and read the devotional in its entirety.

Today, at the end of the day, our Adoption Agency closed for Christmas and won't reopen until Tuesday, December 27th. We had really hoped that God would give us a bit of a Christmas Miracle and that we'd get a referral for Christmas. But, that wasn't in God's plans.....read this short excerpt from the devotional if you don't have time for the entire portion....

"But the story of Joseph brings me hope. It reminds me that God's ways aren't my ways. And sometimes in our greatest difficulties we find our greatest opportunities and blessed responsibilities.

Joseph was given the honor of naming the baby Jesus — the very same name we call on today for help. Had Joseph walked away, divorcing Mary quietly, he would've missed it.

He would have missed Christmas. And he would have missed the life-defining lesson that God's plans aren't always logical in human eyes, but they can always be trusted."

So, today, I'm going to try to be more like Joseph - I am going to trust in God's plans, even though they aren't logical (Lord, I'm getting older every day here) and even though I don't always like them. I want to find the greatest opportunities and blessed responsibilities that God has in store for me. I want to offer Him my heart and service because He sent His son as a baby, knowing that His son would give His whole life for me on a cross.

And, that is why I can say truly "MERRY CHRISTMAS" to each and every one of you!

Thanks for your continued thoughts and prayers - keep praying for the children of Ethiopia!

Vicki

A Grown Up Christmas List

Today, Dave sent his grown up Christmas list out....he actually sent it to our Social Worker to see and below is her reply/comment.

Dear Santa,

In lieu of my usual list, I'm writing you to let you know that all I want for Christmas this year is an adoption referral. Please send in time for Christmas. I know I haven't been a very good boy this year. I've been struggling a lot with patience. But I promise to leave cookies and milk.

Thanks in advance.

Dave Jansen
Lewis Center, Ohio

PS - Please thank your helpers for all they do too.

Dear Santa~

I would like to second Dave's list and let you know that I too would love to see a referral for his family. It would be wonderful to have in time for Christmas, but if this is not possible, please send as soon possible afterwards. I know that they have been struggling with patience, but their graciousness has more than made up for it. Please keep this in mind.

I too thank you in advance,

*****

We are still living in HOPE and Anticipation - impatient Hope and anticipation, but looking forward all the same.

Dave & Vicki

A Lesson from Simeon

This Christmas Season, Dave is reading to me a bit each night, from different Christmas books. This is such a treat for me! Right now, we are reading "One Incredible Moment" by Max Lucado. Tonight's chapter was "Simeon: Wide-eyed and Watching". I've always loved Simeon because of his patient faith. Tonight, I felt I could relate a bit better to him (though, I do not feel currently that I have a very patient faith).

If you don't know the story of Simeon, he is mentioned in the Second chapter of Luke, as having a revelation from the Holy Spirit...."The Holy Spirit had revealed to him that he would not die until he had seen him - God's anointed King" (Luke 2:26) Simeon was a very old man when the baby Jesus was born and had been waiting a very long time to see the anointed King. Read what Lucado writes....

"He (Simeon) was "constantly expecting the Messiah" (v. 25 TLB)

He was "living in expectation of the salvation of Israel" (v 25 PHILLIPS)

He "watched and waited for the restoration of Israel" (v. 25 NEB)

The Greek language, rich as it is with terms, has a stable full of verbs that mean "to look."....

Of all the forms of look, the one that best captures what it means to "look for the coming" is the term used to describe the action of Simeon: prosdechomai. Dechomai meaning "to wait." Pros meaning "forward". Combine them and you have the graphic picture of one "waiting forwardly." The grammar is poor, but the image is great. Simeon was waiting; not demanding, not hurrying, he was waiting.

But he was waiting with anticipation. Calmly expectant. Eyes open. Arms extended. Searching the crowd for the right face, and hoping the face appears today....

In the end, the prayer of Simeon was answered. "Simeon took the baby in his arms and thanked God; 'Now, Lord, you can let me, your servant, die in peace, as you said'" (Luke 2:28-29)

One look into the face of Jesus, and Simeon knew the hope of his life had been fulfilled. One look into the face of our Savior, and we will know the same." (One Incredible Moment by Max Lucado)

WOW! Simeon waited for years for the anointed King, the Christ child, to come. It was the hope of his lifetime. If he could wait a lifetime anticipating, hoping and waiting for the King of the universe, certainly, God will give us the strength to keep anticipating, hoping and waiting for this adoption process to make some moves forward.

This adoption is going to be such a fulfillment of so many hopes and dreams and ultimately, the fulfillment of the adoption call put on our hearts.

But, even greater still will be the fulfillment of our Lifetime, when we look into the face of Jesus, our Savior, who came to earth on Christmas to give us Hope. This Christmas, the theme of Hope keeps coming to the forefront in so many ways. The ultimate Hope though, is that we live in Hope and eager anticipation of someday seeing Jesus face to face. Just the thought of that is too awesome to even begin to describe.

May you know the HOPE that a King has been born and lived and died so that each day, you also may have hope......even as you struggle, mourn, worry or wait.

May your Christmas this year be a season of Hope!

The Stockings were hung....

Today, I finally put up the stockings. I went to pull them out earlier this week and wasn't able to put them up. You see, last year after Christmas (and, yes, a good sale), I found some extra stocking/stocking holders in anticipation of having a new family member here to celebrate Christmas with us. When I opened that box of Christmas items earlier this week, I just wasn't prepared to see those items and be reminded again that we are still waiting. It seems to be the little things, happenings that I don't see coming, that send me down that road of yearning and aching and tears.

We know some of you see us with four awesome, healthy, wonderful children, jobs we enjoy, a marriage that is strong and those things are blessings way beyond what we deserve. But, God has also placed this ache, that we just can't put into words, into our hearts to adopt an orphan. And, the longer we wait, the deeper and heavier that ache becomes. When we started the process, it was expected to be a 9-12 month process. Later this month, it will mark 20 months of being "in process" or "paper pregnant". We knew we signed up for a marathon - but at this point, it feels like it has turned into a triathlon with Ethiopia changing their rules and regulations in the middle of it all, and the loss of the referral of those two children we already loved so much! Our hearts and minds and emotions are running on fumes and it is all taking its toll in various ways. In many ways, our spirits are just exhausted.

We have questioned God and really wrestled with what is going on in our adoption. We have wondered if God just wanted us to attempt to adopt to test our faithfulness and obedience, as he did with Abraham and Isaac in Genesis 22:1-12. After much prayer, discussion and searching, we believe that it is more like that story of Isaac and Rebekah in Genesis 25:24-26. Isaac and Rebekah had to wait until Isaac was sixty years old (okay, we hope we're not waiting that long!) and had to plead with God to give them a child. That's where we are at - we are pleading, pretty much on a daily basis.

And, today, as I pleaded, I hung up stockings. Eight of them......as a sign of HOPE for what IS to come. As I was hanging up stockings, I was listening to "Mandisa" and her album "Freedom". How fitting the words to "Broken Hallelujah" were as the stockings were hung....

"With my love and my sadness, I come before you Lord

My heart's in a thousand pieces, Maybe even more

Yet I trust in this moment, You're with me somehow

And You've always been faithful, So Lord even now

When all that I can sing is a broken Hallelujah

When my only offering is shattered praise

Still a song of adoration will rise up from these ruins

I will worship You and give You thanks

Even when my only praise is a broken Hallelujah"

So, I continue to give God my broken, teary, hanging on by a thread at some moments, Hallelujah, knowing He accepts my praise even in broken ways.

Because of the Joy and Hope that only Jesus brings - we continue the journey.

Rainy Days and Mondays

Do you remember that song? "Rainy Days and Mondays always get me down....." Well, lately it hasn't been Mondays at our house. For Dave and I, Friday is day of the week that we are really starting to dislike. Friday, you say? Why Friday? It's the end of a work/school week. It means a break from the usual. Yes, it means all that. But, you see, when it gets to be late in the afternoon on a Friday, we realize deep inside, that another week has passed and we haven't gotten a referral call during the week. All the hopes and dreams and prayers that we greeted Monday with, have now slowly melted away and we go through the weekend knowing our Agency is closed and there's no chance the referral will come for 2 more days. Friday nights do not bring us great joy, but sometimes some tears, frustration and that stinkin' cloud of disappointment that seems to hover a lot lately.

This morning in church we sang two songs that really hit home. First, I'd like to share some of the lyrics to "Forever Reign":

"You are Peace, You are Peace

When my fear is crippling

You are True, You are True

Even in my wondering

You are Here, You are Here

In Your presence I'm made whole

You are God, You are God

Of all else I'm letting Go (okay - at least I'm trying to let go) :-)

Lord, I'm running to your arms, I'm running to your arms

The riches of your love will always be enough

Nothing compares to your embrace

Light of the World, Forever reign"

It helps to know that we can run to God's arms, doesn't it? No matter what you or I are going through, we can run and He will be there to embrace us in a way that no one else can! I find such comfort and joy in that today!

The other song that we sang, and touches my heart every time is "He Knows My Name". Let these words speak to your heart (I'd encourage you to find it on YouTube somewhere - it's such a great song!)

"I have a Maker, He formed my heart

Before even time began, my life was in His hands

I have a Father, He calls me His own

He'll never leave me, No matter where I go

He knows my name

He knows my every thought

He sees each tear that falls

And he hears me when I call"

This song touches my soul because I take such comfort in the fact that God knows my name and He knows everything about me (and still loves me!). I also take comfort in the fact that even though we don't have another referral, God knows the name(s) of whoever that is. God knows if there are tears falling from those sweet brown eyes. He hears that child calling out to Him. He will not leave that child and has had their life in His hands since before time began.

So, I start this week ahead with a Monday full of hope but know that the possibility of another disappointing Friday is there also. I take great comfort in that fact that I can run into God's arms and be embraced and that my life is in His hands.

How about you? Have you named Christ as your Savior? If so, you BELONG to Him and you can face another week of whatever you are going through knowing that He sees each tear you cry and He hears you when you call. Call on Him - He's listening.

Praise God for all He has done and continues to do!

Blog Stealing

2 Blog posts in 2 days. Not sure if I've done that before....

But, I just HAVE to share the posting from http://www.jenhatmaker.com/blog.htm from today, November 2, 2011 entitled "How to be the Village".

It's amazing.....I especially like her phrase of "waiting purgatory" (that's what we are feeling caught in) and her insights on before and after the airport. I especially chuckled and said "Amen" at the suggestions in "Here's what we would love to experience after the airport" and idea #4 - Cheap wine is fine, or better yet, fine coffee from any of the local Coffee establishments. I have a feeling I will need a lot of cheap wine or fine coffee. :-)

So - if you happen to see us venture out sometime after our adoption is FINALLY complete and our eyes are glazed over and we look exhausted....remember this post and the wonderful suggestions Jen shared. Adoptive families have shared so many of those thoughts and she wonderfully wrapped them up in a real, humorous and beautiful way. Please take the time to read her full posting. Thank you!

Feeling Caught

"Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" Romans 12:12

See that verse? It's a short one, but has plenty of instruction to share in those 10 words. Right now, I'm having a lot of trouble with two out of the three instructions......

Be joyful in hope Adoption is a journey of hope. Hope for a child who needs a home, shelter, security, love, provision. Hope for parents who long to provide all that a child needs. Hope for parents who long to complete their family. Hope for prospective siblings who desire more joy, laughter, memories, and yes, even another person to fight with. Hope for fulfilling a deep, almost unexplained call to embark on the journey of adoption. Hope for paths to cross, paperwork to be completed, phone calls to be made, referrals to be offered. Hope for a reunion with someone you've never even met - but still when you meet them, you know it is a reunion of a very special kind.

So many reasons to hope and hope I do. But, being joyful in it? Really? Not right now. I think I can speak (or write, rather) for both Dave and I and say that we are definitely not finding a lot of joy in this journey currently. There is a strong sense of emptiness at the loss of adoption referral, but a whole different sense of emptiness because we are back to waiting and longing for a new referral. Do we doubt that we should be adopting? Not at all! But, we are having a lot of trouble keeping our Joy. We are feeling pretty weighed down with a lot of baggage at this point in the process - especially because we are at this point in the process AGAIN.

Patient in Affliction Patient in affliction? Patient.....in........affliction? I am not feeling very patient. I am struggling at times to the point that if you asked me how I'm doing at the wrong moment, I may just start crying, AGAIN. (I seem to do that a lot these days). I am "feeling caught" in the process; in the emotion of it all, in the hope, in the lack of fulfillment of hope, in the fact that millions of orphans are waiting, but procedures slow down their hope and ours. My patience is wearing thin - thankfully, Dave is one of the most patient men I know and he walks with me through all of this - but even his patience is wearing thin with where we are AGAIN. We need to consider purchasing a car (we currently are a one car family). We feel caught about how to go about making a decision about that because we don't know WHO is in future. We had started to make some plans to changes in the household for preparing for 2 kids to come home - we feel caught because we don't know what to do about those plans. We feel caught because we don't know what the financial future is in regard to our adoption - so we are sort of on an "only necessity budget" right now.

Faithful in Prayer This part I can do. I am in communication with God through prayer all the time. My great big God hears me knockin' on heaven's door all the time right now. I am thankful that He is such a great big God, because otherwise, He would have shut His ears to me a long time ago. He's got Big ears and can handle how much I am talking to Him these days. He can also handle the fact that sometimes I seem to be talking back to Him. I know He can handle me telling Him that I'm angry, I'm weary, I'm struggling to be hopeful and patient with His plan.

Because we know how Big our God is, we will continue to have hope (with a little bit of joy mixed in soon?) and He will provide just enough patience in this affliction. Would you please join us in the Prayer Part? Would you please knock on Heaven's door and ask God to bring us our referral SOON? Pray that our Social Worker would know without a doubt who it is she is to offer to us as a referral. Pray for our family as we work through all of this together. Pray for our child/ren in Ethiopia - for their protection, for their hearts, for their health and for their preparation for life as a Jansen. Pray that we would be "Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer" (Romans 12:12) and that God would be glorified above all!

Thanks for reading - we can not share with you how much it means that you take the time to read, and more importantly to pray.